my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
