Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
This house was built for laser tag.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
