i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize