Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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