No awkward lesbian experiences without me
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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