well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
