My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize
