It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
