it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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