saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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