allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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