I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
