Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
