He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
