From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
