your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
