Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
