Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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