My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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