I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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