a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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