New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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