We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize