i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
