I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
