I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
