Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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