I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
