Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize