omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
