Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize