You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
