How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
