why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
