sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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