ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
