Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
