and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
