I am midnight drunk by noon
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
be right there i have to get my cape
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
