I want to walk on stilts...naked
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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