don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
