Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
