Can i not drive my cunt home
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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