i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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