A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
