hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
