We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize