This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
