This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
