I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
