Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
