Porn is love you can see.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
