just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
