i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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