some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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