Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
