Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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