I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
