Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
