Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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