Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
