Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
