hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
