I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Randomize
