Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
please come you make the beer taste better
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
