i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
