I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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