Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
