I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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