she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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