im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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