what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
