Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
