Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Randomize
