Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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