i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
