Redeem this text for a blowjob
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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