booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
