It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
