It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
