I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
