He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
