Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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