what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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