you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
