like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
