in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I need to align my fucking chakras
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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