Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
