The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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