bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
