someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
