Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
