i need an iv and a liver transplant
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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