just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize