we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
