my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
