Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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