They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
How does one acquire holy water?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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