Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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