I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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