working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
