I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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