I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I wish i was in the wii world.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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