I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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