oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
