Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
