we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
My dick has a subreddit
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Randomize
