i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
