i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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