Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
