Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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