so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
