How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
