it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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