She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
